Monday, May 2, 2011

Depression or Common Sense?

Sometimes I don't know if my doubt and worry (OK... despising myself and everything I do) is a symptom of my depression or just plain old common sense. Sometimes I even try and figure out the difference. Then the old brain starts to spark and stutter. With a bit of smoke pouring out of my ears I'll lay it all out for you.

Take this blog post for instance. As a sat down to write my intended topic was "Mental Health Monday". I started to write about blah blah blah. It was fairly pretentious. I decided common sense to toss the topic. If I couldn't re-read what I'd written as to edit it maybe no one else would either. 

I moved onto a new topic and a similar sort of battle ensued. Except this time it got personal. The "self talk" started to become less about the quality of the blog post (still uncertain at this time as I write my third for the day) - and had more of the tone:

Why are you even writing a blog. (not question, accusation)
No one reads stupid blogs. 
You have nothing unique or of interest to share.
Other people have their own photographs, you just steal them.
This is not a self help group, stop over sharing.
Write about whatever you want. It's not going to be any good anyways.


I know its depression when it gets personal. When my worry has nothing constructive to add to the assignment I know the monster inside me is trying to ruin this project too. 

And you know what? I won't let it.


  1. Do you write this blog to help you?

    That is why I write my blog. To exercise my demons so to say. I didn't write it for readers. I use my blog as sort of therapy.

  2. I think I started mostly to exercise having a writing goal again after a long past due absence, to celebrate my success and track my journey through recovery after crisis, you know... keep momentum after the dust settles a bit. Connecting with other people was an afterthought and one I'm quite pleased about.

    I think it will help me a lot, thanks :) I'm so happy to hear blogging's been working for you too.