Sometimes I don't know if my doubt and worry (OK... despising myself and everything I do) is a symptom of my depression or just plain old common sense. Sometimes I even try and figure out the difference. Then the old brain starts to spark and stutter. With a bit of smoke pouring out of my ears I'll lay it all out for you.
Take this blog post for instance. As a sat down to write my intended topic was "Mental Health Monday". I started to write about blah blah blah. It was fairly pretentious. I decided common sense to toss the topic. If I couldn't re-read what I'd written as to edit it maybe no one else would either.
I moved onto a new topic and a similar sort of battle ensued. Except this time it got personal. The "self talk" started to become less about the quality of the blog post (still uncertain at this time as I write my third for the day) - and had more of the tone:
Why are you even writing a blog. (not question, accusation)
No one reads stupid blogs.
You have nothing unique or of interest to share.
Other people have their own photographs, you just steal them.
This is not a self help group, stop over sharing.
Write about whatever you want. It's not going to be any good anyways.
WOAH ...WAIT NOW A MINUTE! HOLD THE GRAVY TRAIN!
I know its depression when it gets personal. When my worry has nothing constructive to add to the assignment I know the monster inside me is trying to ruin this project too.
And you know what? I won't let it.