I am hateful and agitated today. The first time I had gotten a diagnosis of sorts offered it was major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and bipolar attributes. My post on Tuesday, Shifts in Head Shrinking, shows my newest diagnosis, major depression and borderline personality traits. I finally did a little bit of research on borderline personality disorder.
I can relate to some bipolar attributes. I have wild mood swings and impulsivity. There are times where I thrive on irrational energy bursts, unpredictably crashing into deep depression but I don't fit the diagnostic time frame criteria for the disorder.
I read up on borderline personality disorder & I was pretty much thrown on my ass. It fits and it fits comfortably!
I don't know why I haven't been researching other mood disorders myself to see what may be the most appropriate fit but in any event here I am. I'm comfortably tied to my new label yet distinctly agitated by it at the same time.
I feel a little bit like I'm starting over. It's been a miserable year and maybe this new diagnosis will help steer me into better treatment and healing... I hope so. Seems all I do is run on hope. When the hope runs dry I sleep. Perhaps that's why I slept 15 hours last night and am still in bed. Yea, I'm posting from m'iPhone.
I don't know what to do with myself. I kinda want to get run over by a train but I am sure that will only hinder healing. Healing is possible, right?