Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Shifts in Head Shrinking

Doctor Change

Today, my psychiatrist advised me that she is leaving and there will only be one more appointment between us. I didn't really like her anyways so I wasn't very upset. I was a twisted sort of anxious happy. I'll know more about the change on our appointment next Friday. My shrink seemed really apologetic she hadn't told me sooner. Telling me just before our last appointment isn't too short of notice I suppose.

Treatment Plan

Two weeks ago my shrink asked me if I thought my evening dose should be increased and I told her, "I don't know!". I agreed to monitor my sleep so we could decide if my evening dose needed to be increased based on how groggy I felt in the mornings. This sleep monitoring was completely dismissed when I brought it up today as she was not willing to entertain the idea of increasing my bedtime dose.

I initially felt a positive effect from Seroquel. I was not feeling the same effect a couple of weeks later. It's like my body/mind got used to the dose really quickly and started to revert back to old (poor) ways of coping. That's what it felt like anyway.

That makes me kind of angry honestly. I didn't tell her that though. I was kind of worked up so I went into mime mode until I got home. I am totally happy to be moving on to someone new, however... I am being referred into a more psychotherapy intensive Day Treatment Program. Fortunately it's free but its very busy and I likely wont get to participate until April or later. I'll be researching the program while I wait; thanks, doc.

Knowing my Diagnosis

Progress has plateaued and I've been sinking deeper into the depths of depression. Irrational, rage filled mood swings don't make being depressed any easier. I lash out at the only person providing physical human contact and make us both feel like shit. After I lash out I see how irrational and inappropriate my reactions are but only after the fact. I am a self righteous bitch until then. Good for me.

Today I had to pick up an insurance document while I was at my psychiatrists office and I found her summation of my illness somewhat interesting. I'll be researching everything in more depth on my own later on. As far as I know this is the first time the term "borderline" has been used in reference to me. Anywho- This is what my shrink had to say about me:

I have Major Depression and Borderline Personality traits.

Here is a decent break down of what is meant by Axis I, II, etc.
Here's a really good explanation of what the Global Assessment of Functioning score implies.

What a day! What does this mean?
Hopefully I can answer that better by my next blog post.
Wish me luck!


  1. It feels weird to have a diagnosis doesn't it. I was diagnosed with depression, an anxiety dissorder, and OCD tendancies. Glad to hear about your psychiatrist. At least you have a chance to start with someone new.

  2. Thanks for reading and commenting :)
    I think after I've had a couple days to learn about BPD I'll be okay with it all but for now I'm just overwhelmed and broody about the whole thing.
    Support and encouragement makes such a huge difference in my zest du vie, again- thank you.

    - Leslie